PURPOSE
When you have an injury that prohibits you from doing your every day regimen, it can potentially wear on your psyche. I for instance, have had a lower lumbar back issue for almost a year now, but this past week it was at it's worst. I wasn't able to do anything.
Four days into this painful injury, I started feeling really useless. I began to find myself angry, and easily irritated by my children. I felt inadequate as a mother, wife, and as an employee. How I longed to cook, wash dishes or the laundry. I just wanted to do the things I always complained about doing.
With all this time on my hands, what was I to do? I began looking in the mirror and seeing everything that was imperfect about me, physically and spiritually. Thinking to myself, how do I dare ask the King of Kings, to heal me with my hands so filthy, so unclean.
Now I know you're probably thinking, "A christian woman like you should know God made you perfect, once you gave your life to Christ you were cleansed" While this is very true, at the time, this wasn't what my thoughts were pondering. My focus was on my pain, and my limitations, rather than what I know to be true in the word of God.
I was under attack spiritually, and I hadn't realized it. I was in such a weak state physically, that mentally, I didn't prepare myself the way I should have for the attacks of the enemy. I asked for prayer, and prayed myself.
As the days went on, I began to seek God more, not focusing my energy on pain, but on purpose. What is the purpose of this injury? What's the purpose of me not being able to move, or complete simple daily tasks? What was the purpose for me to not be able to stand through 15 minutes of worship?
And so as it was, I began to read my word, I could feel the Lord ministering to me through the book of Matthew. Specifically Chapter 8:5-12 and Chapter 9:20-22 . My faith in Christ had to be bigger than what ever it is that I'm struggling with. I realized I was under a spiritual attack, and it could go either way. I could sit and feel so sorry for myself, possibly falling into a state of depression, or, I can fill my time with meaningful, purposeful things.
With God's gentle direction and beautiful love, the meaningful and purposeful route was the best and only option for me!
I know I'm not perfect, but who on this whole earth is?
I know I was irritable, but when I was in pain, my children asked for prayers for me. They knew that prayer was such an important part of my healing.
I know I couldn't complete simple everyday tasks, but today when I was able to make banana bread, (which took about 10 minutes to get it all together) I was like, "Thank You Lord!!" a simple task but I felt so accomplished.
That day I sat down during worship, I was so sad. I said to myself, "Lord, never let me be ashamed to worship you to the fullest extent, or in front of anyone! I may be sitting down but my heart is standing up!! I LOVE YOU!!!"
In these last few days, my children have been gone to camp, it has been so quiet, I hadn't watched t.v for almost 2 days. In that quiet time I learned that I need to slow down, I need to be way more patient than I have been, I need more quiet time, and I desperately need more GOD time. If having a injury like this, helps me to get my focus to who and what really matters, then it was worth it.
The injury is still painful, but it's does not have my focus, my focus has to be on Christ, or I won't come out of this with a purpose.
If you're struggling, please spend time in his word. I know how easy it is to let things get in the way. Get focused on the right thing again, find your purpose in Him.
God Bless Family
Four days into this painful injury, I started feeling really useless. I began to find myself angry, and easily irritated by my children. I felt inadequate as a mother, wife, and as an employee. How I longed to cook, wash dishes or the laundry. I just wanted to do the things I always complained about doing.
With all this time on my hands, what was I to do? I began looking in the mirror and seeing everything that was imperfect about me, physically and spiritually. Thinking to myself, how do I dare ask the King of Kings, to heal me with my hands so filthy, so unclean.
Now I know you're probably thinking, "A christian woman like you should know God made you perfect, once you gave your life to Christ you were cleansed" While this is very true, at the time, this wasn't what my thoughts were pondering. My focus was on my pain, and my limitations, rather than what I know to be true in the word of God.
I was under attack spiritually, and I hadn't realized it. I was in such a weak state physically, that mentally, I didn't prepare myself the way I should have for the attacks of the enemy. I asked for prayer, and prayed myself.
As the days went on, I began to seek God more, not focusing my energy on pain, but on purpose. What is the purpose of this injury? What's the purpose of me not being able to move, or complete simple daily tasks? What was the purpose for me to not be able to stand through 15 minutes of worship?
And so as it was, I began to read my word, I could feel the Lord ministering to me through the book of Matthew. Specifically Chapter 8:5-12 and Chapter 9:20-22 . My faith in Christ had to be bigger than what ever it is that I'm struggling with. I realized I was under a spiritual attack, and it could go either way. I could sit and feel so sorry for myself, possibly falling into a state of depression, or, I can fill my time with meaningful, purposeful things.
With God's gentle direction and beautiful love, the meaningful and purposeful route was the best and only option for me!
I know I'm not perfect, but who on this whole earth is?
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| worship |
I know I couldn't complete simple everyday tasks, but today when I was able to make banana bread, (which took about 10 minutes to get it all together) I was like, "Thank You Lord!!" a simple task but I felt so accomplished.
That day I sat down during worship, I was so sad. I said to myself, "Lord, never let me be ashamed to worship you to the fullest extent, or in front of anyone! I may be sitting down but my heart is standing up!! I LOVE YOU!!!"
In these last few days, my children have been gone to camp, it has been so quiet, I hadn't watched t.v for almost 2 days. In that quiet time I learned that I need to slow down, I need to be way more patient than I have been, I need more quiet time, and I desperately need more GOD time. If having a injury like this, helps me to get my focus to who and what really matters, then it was worth it.
The injury is still painful, but it's does not have my focus, my focus has to be on Christ, or I won't come out of this with a purpose.
If you're struggling, please spend time in his word. I know how easy it is to let things get in the way. Get focused on the right thing again, find your purpose in Him.
God Bless Family
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